Walking in London Makes The Souls of My Feet Hurt
Mariana Meireles Curado
Walking in London makes the souls of my feet hurt. My grandmother said I would not go to heaven with her. Because a priest did not anoint me with holy water, and a priest did not deliver me from evil by drawing a cross on my forehead, a priest did not expel the devil from within me, and a priest did not say Latin words in the presence of those whose responsibility would become to keep me on the righteous path. And so I’m not going to heaven. She said it wouldn’t be worth all the trouble without me there. I wouldn’t know. When she was a child, her mother gave birth to two dead babies whose only sin was to kill her. She was buried in the village cemetery and laid to rest with her family. But the babies had not been anointed with holy water, and they had not been delivered from evil by having a cross drawn on their foreheads, the devil had not been expelled from within them, and Latin words had not been said in the presence of those whose responsibility would become to keep them on the righteous path. And now it was too late, the priest said. Departed souls cannot be saved. So the babies were not buried in the village cemetery and laid to rest with their family. They were buried in my grandmother’s house, in a shallow grave under the front garden’s tree. In the winter the wolves came to the village looking for food and dug out the babies whose only sin had been to kill my grandmother’s mother. Or maybe it was not like this. It all happened before, when my grandmother remembered. Before the dark fog came over her eyes to lay her mind to rest long before her soul was ready for heaven, where the babies and I cannot join her. Now she speaks only in riddles. She remembers no Latin words. Maybe no one goes to heaven. I cannot tell her that in London they let dogs piss on your grave. They play fetch six feet over your head. I would like to be buried in the village cemetery and laid to rest with my family. But most of all, I would like the wolves and the dogs to stay away.
